”I constantly worry they don’t like me.”
During a recent intake session one of our clients shared her biggest concern at work.
The kind of thing that keeps her awake at night and makes her feel like armouring up before going into the office.
It was her need for APPROVAL.
She was so concerned to be liked, do well, be perceived as professional, competent, intelligent (fill in your own blank here) that she was constantly checking for other people’s reactions, body language and facial expressions. And usually interpreting them unfavourably towards her.
No wonder she felt exhausted by the sheer thought of going to work.
What will they think of me? They don’t like me!
Worries that many of you are taking to work on a regular basis. In your need to being perceived a certain way you end up contorting yourself into all sorts of shapes and flavours, to meet what you perceive to be other people’s perceptions and expectations.
The problems with this are numerous:
- Even if the cherished ”others” shall end up approving of you, you shall worry they would not like the real you.
- If you care only of what other people think of you and your reputation you will be handing the centre of your self-worth to others. And it will forever depend on external approval.
- You won’t ever be able to relax and just be. Constant adaptation and ”faking it” takes up energy. A lot of it. Energy you could be spending in invigorating projects, people and your authentic expression instead.
- You will keep attracting people who resonate with your false identity and you might not even particularly like them or want to spend time with them.
- You will keep attracting work which you might do well but which drains you. After all, most people can’t easily read your energy and motivation levels, and therefore will judge your work by your results. Unfortunately doing a great job doesn’t necessarily mean you love doing it and/or want more of it.
Character over reputation
So what’s a fabulous purpose driven women like you to do?
You shift your focus from reputation (what other people think) to character (how YOU want to show up yourself).
Ask yourself what is important to you? How do you want to show up in work and in life? What traits would you want to adhere to? And how can you bring more of these into your everyday? How can you become the person YOU admire?
Choosing to be your very own mentor and role model allows you to move the centre of self-worth back to yourself. So you can wake up in the morning solidly grounded in your values, your strengths and your unique contribution. Smiling at yourself in the mirror.
And if we can help you ditch your self-sabotaging patterns don’t hesitate to reach out for an exploration session. What have you got to loose but self-doubt.
Visionary Collective Leader Azkua
At Azkua we are on a mission to turn businesses and organisations into a force for good. And we believe that it is professional women like YOU, who will be at the forefront of this transformation. Purpose driven, caring, grounded and influential women.