“What if I fall? Oh, my darling. What if you fly?”
You do not need more confidence. You need more courage.
Confidence is the quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans or the future.
Courage is the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.
COURAGE is the word that sums up so much better what we see as a missing piece in the life of the women we work with.
It is not the confidence. So often you can be very confident in your area of expertise, your friendships, and your relationships. And yet you still feel that something is missing, you still feel overwhelmed, you still feel that you should be more ……..(you can insert your word here). Confidence too often comes from a place of comfort.
To have the life you truly seek, with a career that feels meaningful, with friendships that feed your soul and relationships that make you grow, often what you need is more courage, not more confidence.
The courage to say NO, to the projects and relationships that do not serve you.
The courage to live your life according to your deepest values.
The courage to create a family that is aligned with your vision and not with the expectations of society.
The courage to have a bold vision for your life in the first place.
Recently we have worked with an amazing professional woman. Excelling at her career, wonderful mum, caring partner and…..completely exhausted from her work demands.
She had a never ending to do list. Projects were piling up at her work as everyone needed a piece of her expertise. And she was confident that she can deliver because she was good at what she does.
When she got to a module around boundaries and saying NO in one of our programs, it was the biggest moment of revelation to her. The idea that you can be good at something, asked to do something and still say NO. It had just never occurred to her that she can simply say NO, my plate is full.
Her exhaustion did not come from the lack of confidence. It came from the lack of a different perspective. The lack of time spent on envisaging how things could be and then taking a courageous action towards that new possibility.
It is like the metaphor of the golden cage, where the cage represents your comfort zone. You are constantly fluttering from one wall to another. Getting frustrated with being stuck. Not able to widen your impact area, not having enough time to rest from all the fluttering. Sometimes forgetting why you are in this cage in the first place, but never noticing that a little door to this cage is open all the time.
In order for you to be more courageous in your life you will need to have at least 3 things:
- A vision of what you want and why it is important to you in the first place. Knowing your core values and the contribution you seek to make in the long run, will help you to make sure that what you do every day is meaningful to you and aligned with what you want to stand for.
- Remembering that courage is not about reducing your fears. It is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. There is no magic formula here I am afraid.
- Community that will wholeheartedly support you and encourage you, while you are growing your muscle of courage. You need to surround yourself with people who will help you get up if you fall and dust yourself off before the next jump. Say no to the ones who will stand by and watch your struggle from the side-lines, pointing out that they have told you all along that you will fall.
Confidence on its’ own might not be enough to live the life you truly envisage for yourself. Courage, on the other hand, can help you deal with all those scary and uncomfortable moments that you will inevitably encounter when you choose to stand up for what you believe and what you deserve.
What would you like to be more courageous at? And if you already lead your life with courage, what helps you stay there? We would love to hear from you.
If you feel you could do with more courage in your life we’d love to tell you more about EMERGE. The feminine leadership program that will help you grow strong and courageous without sacrificing your well-being. You can book a free 30 minute consultation to discuss if this program is what you might be looking for. E-mail me to firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dovilecorrigan/